Extra Credit #1: Be Yourself
“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
If you were to do a quick web search you’d see this quote’s author is Oscar Wilde. Wilde was an essayist, professor, novelist, poet, playwright and journalist (and probably a few other titles I’ve missed) known for his involvement in the aesthetics movement of the late 1800s.
Wilde was often described as a flamboyant man, with a penchant for the finer things in life. Wilde crafted quite a cult-like following. His fans were as expectant of him as are viewers nowadays of the newest season of Stranger Things.
Who could blame them?
He walked around with an elaborate ivory cane, had long hair, and filled his home with lilies and blue china. He was known for his wit and provocative writing style. Nowadays, there are many quotes he’s remembered for:
“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifetime romance.”
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”
But there’s one quote he definitely didn’t say: Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.
Say what now? I know you’re thinking, “Wait, but didn’t you just start this article by quoting Wilde?”
There are so many writings that survive Wilde, but not one that shows us proof he ever said this. Maybe somewhere across our vast digital knowledge compendium (aka the internet) we misquoted him and now it’s just stuck.
This tells us a few things about human nature:
We’re really good at hopping on the bandwagon, and spreading information that isn’t true
We’re so ready to invest in something just because it sounds good
So, why are we still circulating this quote and calling it Wilde’s?
It’s a great quote. So, in some respects, it doesn’t actually matter who said it—just that it was said.
Image courtesy of Pixabay
The Salience of Words and Ideas
Historians have nerded out on Wilde’s non-quote for years. They haven’t necessarily been the loudest critics, but anybody with internet access may have easily found their evidence against this quote.
What’s important about the quote is that it plays on our unique desire for individuality. The message is vague, but it’s something we’ve all heard before and remember. If you just be yourself, you will get ahead. There will be a positive takeaway.
Wilde was an interesting character indeed, and he of all people seemed to believe in individuality. He believed in a lot of things that went against popular opinion at the time. He was a leader in challenging the notion that art imitates life and instead said, “life imitates art far more than art imitates life.”
He stood loud and proud and thought for himself. He didn’t run with the crowd in an attempt to be discovered among it. This certainly caused him to make waves (and a fair share of enemies.) At one point, he enraged America’s art community so much that Harper’s Weekly ran a cover poking fun at him, with an image of Wilde as a monkey longingly adoring a sunflower.
We remember Wilde, not necessarily for his words, dress or behavior, but because he was a true innovator. He existed outside the norm of where society hoped he would land.
For that, we’re happy to don a willful ignorance regarding the details and remember him for going against the grain.
Image courtesy of WikiImages
Finding Meaning in Our Actions
We’re always hoping we can do something that’s going to stand out, but it’s so easy for us to become concerned we aren’t doing things intentionally. Does our work always have to mean something?
Not everyone thinks so (at least not at first) and there’s likely a very good evolutionary reason for that. Consistent ingenuity is improbable and exhausting.
The very cult-inspiring movie producer Jim Jarmusch, known for films such as Stranger than Paradise and Broken Flowers, once said:
“Nothing is original. Steal from anywhere that resonates with inspiration or fuels your imagination.”
Jarmusch’s movies are sometimes inexplicable and almost always bittersweet in their social relevance. Perhaps it’s because he steals from life itself.
Creativity without constraints can be counterproductive. You’ll find you spend more time trying to be different than actually creating something to outlast all that overthinking.
Whether you believe you’re stealing from others, or forging your way through an entirely new craft, you’ll eventually come back to that first quote mistakenly attributed to Wilde. This is when you’ll ask yourself: am I being myself?
It’s through each other’s eyes we often discover what means anything to us. In many ways, this is how we fine-tune our individuality. We may always be taking a little bit from here and there and re-purposing it to polish off our personalities.
Ultimately, what matters is how we evolve to figure out just where we stand as individuals and as brands.
Psychologists might argue that some degree of emulation is both natural and inevitable, because keeping up appearances can quite possibly drive you mad. We’ve got to go a little bit off the reservation to maintain our self-reliance and make peace with our health over time.
This all hearkens back to something Wilde said, “Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.”
Image courtesy of Pixabay
We grow accustomed to blending in, but when we do so for too long, we discover it’s no longer as safe as it once was. You may find success for a little while, dredging up the best work of your heroes or riding the coattails of the last thing someone made profit on, but that won’t be sustainable.
There needs to be reflection for growth to happen.
If you’re a brand, you’re going to arrive at a place where you’ll have to stop for a moment and wonder whether you’re in it for the long haul, or just a little while. If your answer falls into the latter category, you’re still going to struggle when other imitators pop up to knock you down.
The most foolproof way to success is finding your niche and having conviction in things you value. Along the journey to understanding what that actually means, you’ll come to a few realizations.
You will find limitless potential to innovate, without the fear of being an imitator
You’ll be ahead of the curve at least once in your career
You’ll sleep better at night
Too often, we go through life concerned with whether or not we’re being authentic. We spend an inordinate amount of time concerned with the public perception of ourselves and our brand. If anything, authenticity takes some of the weight off that worrisome burden. If we can be ourselves, we’ll naturally get to a place where we worry just a little less.
It’s important to keep asking ourselves questions that help improve our workflow and personal projects—questions that tell us whether we’re operating from a place of integrity and accountability. In other words: do we believe in what we’re doing?
Ultimately, these are some of the hardest questions to answer. They may even feel like they’re muddying our process. However, they’re critical to our progress.
Luckily, we don’t have to do it all alone. When we can’t search ourselves or be objective, we can ask for outside opinions. This is why people hire coaches, therapists and (needless to say) agencies. It’s sometimes the people standing on the sidelines that can show us what we’ve been missing all along.
With a little introspection and time, we all gain some perspective.
At the end of the day, the best recipe for long-term success is just to be yourself. Unfortunately, everyone else is taken.
What does this quote mean to you and/or your brand? How have you sought advice or learned to ask yourself the right questions?
We’d love to hear from you admissions@schoolofthought.com.